A companion piece to ‘Ever Yours, Sin’ published a few days ago.
I thought of not engaging you at all, but decided it would be more profitable to respond—not for your sake, but for mine. It will be refreshing for me to review how wrong you are on every single point.
It is true there was a time when our desires were one and the same. At every opportunity to serve you, I did so with relish. If we disagreed, it was a difference of opinion among friends, not foes. I truly believed you had my best interests at heart, though you drove me so hard and never seemed satisfied with my labour. But all that has changed. My eyes have been opened to what you truly are, and I don’t like what I see. You are death to me now, and an enemy. So though you may tell me with force what you want, know that it is you and you alone who want it. I have been changed and am utterly of a different nature.
The Spirit you spoke of with such disdain is a vastly superior Master. He is nothing like you— he does not violently impel me to do things the way you do. (Yes, I see beyond your honeyed words and your apparent respectful persuasion. I remember this is only the beginning of your tactics.) My Saviour, who bled and died for me to free me from your rule, has given the Spirit to guide me towards everything good. He is kind and gentle and prefers to motivate me with love. I acknowledge his ways can be difficult, and they do not always provide the instant gratification that your ways often do. But I am learning that the end of them is life and peace, whereas yours only ever end with death and strife. The quick pleasure of serving you is over in a moment; his joy goes deep and is ever-increasing.
You are right about my concerns, but how dare you refer to the eternal consequences of disobedience to my Father as “rumours”! Is physical death a rumour? In all of history, only one has escaped its clutches forever—the one you fear most. Since my Father has kept his promise to our parents in Eden about the First Death, can we doubt his word about the Second?
I dare not presume on his grace as you so devilishly suggest. It took a great deal of struggle to ask for his forgiveness the first time, and I know I would have never had the faith to do so had he not assisted me. Being that I am so reliant on him, I cannot risk going back, and then never be able to return to his grace. I remember King Saul, with his glorious beginning and terrible ending, even if you do not. Besides, how could I be so ungrateful as to repay him for his kindness with such wretched presumptuousness? Why would I even want to, in light of the position, privilege and promises he has given me in his Son?
As for other consequences, you are wrong that they can be so absolutely and artfully avoided. For all your power, my Father’s is greater, and he will ensure that evil gets what it deserves in some measure, even now. What, should I risk my family, reputation, friends, job, health, conscience, possessions? All for the sake of some short-lived pleasure? It is not a fair deal you make with me.
To put it bluntly, I would not be your willing servant for one more second. You are cruel, deceitful, violent, and your presence alone causes me to loathe myself at times. To put off opposing you is to put off true joy. My Father, the author of joy, knows this, and will help me to stand against you—even as my dear Saviour did.
Madness can never make sense, and that is what you are. Even if I must tolerate your presence (and my Father says it is best I do so in this short life), I do not have to do your bidding. So you can forget any hope of reconciliation or collaboration: this is war.
Send help please!!!