“We’re getting a bit confused about what it means to be a man.” (14) That is Matt Fuller’s summary of our current cultural climate. In a society that, on the one hand, tells men they need to be more like women, and on the other declares there is no difference between men and women, it seems increasingly difficult to define manhood.
But more than that, we live in a period where masculinity is frequently equated with being toxic, and an Australian school thought it appropriate to ask all male students to apologise for the behaviour of their gender.[1]
So it comes as no surprise that voices advocating a clear vision of masculinity gain quite the following. Yet not all these voices are positive, and very few of them are biblical. Enter Reclaiming Masculinity.
Reclaiming Masculinity: Seven Biblical Principles for Being the Man God Wants You to Be
Matt Fuller
Reclaiming Masculinity: Seven Biblical Principles for Being the Man God Wants You to Be
Matt Fuller
In a world where masculinity is often associated with toxicity, what does it mean to “be a man”? In a straightforward and empathetic way, Matt Fuller gets beyond cultural confusion and stereotypes as he examines what the Bible says is distinctive about being a man. He outlines a positive vision of biblical masculinity and shows what that might look like in real life today. Men will be encouraged to be sacrificial when leading, to work hard and to protect and invest in others.
Being a Godly Man
Fuller begins his discussion at the issue most fundamental to his goal (and perhaps most controversial), namely, there really is a difference between men and women. It really is possible to put forward a picture of godliness for men. He helpfully nuances and clarifies his argument, being careful to pave a middle ground between the two extremes of “men and women are the same,” and “men and women are different in every aspect.”
Drawing primarily on scripture, Fuller concludes:
…in general there are certain patterns of behaviour that are more closely associated with fathers, brothers and men alongside other patterns more closely aligned with mothers, sisters and women. (35)
These relationships are not interchangeable (but neither are they totally opposite)—there is a way of relating to someone that is distinctly masculine, and a way that is distinctly feminine. With that foundation laid, the following chapters hold out what those more masculine traits could be. Fuller addresses responsibility, ambition (more on this below), sacrifice, service, friendship, and fathering—all in pursuit of providing a biblically faithful ending to the sentence “Being a godly man means…”
These relationships are not interchangeable (but neither are they totally opposite)—there is a way of relating to someone that is distinctly masculine, and a way that is distinctly feminine.
What results is a clear and compelling biblical argument of godliness in each of these areas. Fuller is mindful not to prescribe more than scripture warrants, but also to say no less than what scripture clearly communicates. Reclaiming Masculinity concludes with a call not for perfection, but progress. In the closing pages we are reminded of the sufficiency and grace of Christ, which gives us both the foundation and impetus to grow as godly men.
A Truly Positive Vision
Perhaps the most compelling aspect of the book is that Fuller is not just biblical, but genuinely positive (without being naive). In his writing he is gracious and kind—you won’t walk away feeling shamed by past failures or burdened with expectation, but filled with a hopeful vision of godly masculinity. It is rich with scripture without being exegetically dense or inaccessible; the occasional footnote also gives direction for those wanting to dig deeper.
Aside from the engaging writing and ready application in each chapter, a particular highlight were the chapters on service (“Chivalry” as it was titled) and friendship.
Where our culture has created uncertainty—even anxiety—in male–female relationships, Fuller’s pastoral wisdom shines through in his advice to navigate them in a loving, respectful, servant-hearted, and godly manner. He encourages men to be confident in serving others, whilst also having the humility to learn from those around them, particularly their sisters in Christ.
His suggestions on friendship (an area he notes men increasingly struggle in) are also not just profoundly practical, but also hold out a beautiful picture of what true friendship can be. Invest deeply in quality, not quantity—be realistic, intentional and honest, and you will have friendships that will be a blessing through thick and thin.
An Awkward Dance?
If I could pose one drawback to Reclaiming Masculinity, it’s that in general it seeks to define godly masculinity without also putting forward a definition of godly femininity. Admittedly the title itself proves this is beyond the book’s scope. But at the risk of doubling the content on every book written on such a topic, I believe it is a difficult task to define what it means to be a man without also having in view what it means to be a woman. It seems analogous to teaching a man to waltz without a partner.
It seems analogous to teaching a man to waltz without a partner.
This is particularly true in the treatment of ambition. Whilst the exhortation to be intentional and ambitious in doing the “work of the Lord” is indeed commendable, there seems to be very little in this section that is distinctly masculine—pushing beyond just general Christian maturity. I was also left wondering whether categorising Jesus as an “ambitious” man carries helpful connotations, nor is it something I think squares neatly with Scripture. However, these are minor comments.
I’ve found it hard to think of another book written for men that I would so readily recommend to anyone, man or woman. This speaks to Fuller’s warmth and clarity, which considering the controversy and confusion surrounding some of the topics is quite an impressive feat. If Fuller is right in his cultural analysis on masculinity (and I think he is), then he has provided the church with a wonderfully pastoral and timely response.
[1] https://news.sky.com/story/amp/schoolboys-made-to-apologise-for-stuff-we-didnt-do-during-assembly-about-sexual-assault-12260783
