If a random stranger calls out to me as I’m walking down the street, “You’re dressed funny and your hair’s a mess!” I am probably unlikely to take his words heart. However, if my wife, Traci, says that same kind of thing to me as I’m heading out the door, I’m likely to act on it. I’ll duck back in to change my clothes and fix my hair. I take Traci’s advice to heart because not only do I trust her judgement over mine when it comes to fashion, I also I know that she’s looking out for me.
My wife is on what Brené Brown would call my “square squad”—named after a one-square-inch piece of paper that a short list of names can fit on.[1] Your square squad is made up of the people whose opinions really matter to you. People you trust to tell you when you’re wrong because they’re doing it out of love. People you trust to tell you when you’re right because you know that they know they can tell you when you’re wrong.
Rebukers, Examples and Encouragers
The apostle Paul clearly sees himself as being in a position to criticise the churches he writes to. He exclaims to the Galatians, “Are you so foolish?” asking them, “Who has bewitched you?” (Gal 3:1–3). To the Corinthians, while recognising them as holy in Christ Jesus (1 Cor 1:1) he emphatically tells them that (at least some of the issues they face as church), “You are still worldly”? (1 Cor 3:3). On the positive side, Paul encourages the Philippian church that their gift to him shared in his troubles and should be interpreted in lofty spiritual terms as “a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God” (Php 4:16–19). Not only does he know that his words should matter to these churches, but Paul also repeatedly presents himself as an example for others to follow (1 Cor 4:16; Php 3:17, 4:9; 1 Thes 1:6). Paul, as the founder of many of these churches and as an apostle of Christ Jesus, has a right to position himself this way.
However, beyond his positional formal authority, Paul also presents himself as an example to follow because, as a disciple, he imitates Christ Jesus (1 Cor 11:1). And he encourages his readers to find others who are like him and imitate them also (Phil 2:12–30, 3:17). He charges his protégé Timothy, having been thoroughly equipped by the Scriptures (2 Tim 3:16–17), to correct, rebuke and encourage, with care and patience (2 Tim 4:2). He too is an example others can follow (1 Cor 4:17). The author of Hebrews expects that Christians will gather regularly to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds” and encourage each other in the expectation of Jesus’ return (Heb 10:24–25). In other words, we should build our own spiritual square squads.
Who Is Your Spiritual Square Squad?
Whether you literally make a list is up to you, but we should seek out those, beyond just the pastors, staff and elders of our churches, who will help us stay true to Jesus. People who will be good examples of what it means to follow Christ wholeheartedly. People who we can be real with and allow to tell us what’s what. Hopefully there are already people in your church that are fulfilling this role for you. We obviously won’t find perfect examples (outside of Jesus himself), but we can look for those who are leaving sin behind and pressing on to the goal that Jesus has marked out for them. We’re looking for people who exhibit the fruit of the Spirit and encourage the same in us (Gal 5:22–23, cf. 6:1).
Moreover, we should all be seeking to be such people for others. Christians need to be in each other’s lives, spurring each other on, setting a good example, and talking seriously about successes and failures in living for Jesus. For we are swimming against the tide in a world that is indifferent and even hostile to the ways of God. Supporting each other is how we’ll make it to the end.
If you know someone is on your list (even if it’s just in your head), you should consider letting them know you trust them and look up to them in the Lord. This is a great way to build trust and vulnerability between you. They’ll know that you think they’re a safe person to be truthful and honest with. They’ll know that you’re open to being serious about the faith and putting it into practice. And maybe they’ll follow your example and make their own list too and, whether you’re on it or not, that will be good for you too, for they’ll have their own square squad to keep them as a good example to follow.
[1] I don’t know if she coined the phrase, but I first came across it in her book Daring Greatly.
