He Always Hears by Alyson Punzi, with illustrations by Tyler Charlton, helps adults talk to their child about deep and painful suffering through story. Suffering will affect everyone who lives on this earth. The question is not if we will suffer but when we will suffer. Unfortunately, some experience deep, painful suffering, even as children.
The world can be disappointing. It can feel unfair and painful to live in. As adults, we struggle to comprehend suffering, and we have years of life experience. But how do we help a child deal with the suffering they feel? Sometimes it’s hard to know how to talk to children about suffering! It can be hard because we don’t like to focus on the negatives of life. We would prefer to have a happy conversation rather than a sad one. To be honest, adults aren’t great at talking about suffering. He Always Hears will help adults sensitively broach the topic with their children.
In our broken world, life rarely unfolds as we hope. For little ones facing loss, disappointment, and heartache for the first time, it can be a confusing and overwhelming experience. He Always Hears teaches children what biblical lament is, how to tell God about our pain, and how to rely on his redemptive promises.
Story Outline
We are introduced to three characters: Jane, a young girl, and her Mama and Daddy. The story starts with Jane’s toy dinosaur falling in a muddy puddle. This light note is used to illustrate brokenness in the world, which God will fix one day. In the next movement of the story her best friend moves far away. That brokenness God will make new too. The story concludes with Jane’s Daddy getting sick and going to hospital. The book, fortunately, does not say what happens to Jane’s father but the words and pictures portray the sadness that both Jane and her Mama are feeling in the situation. This brokenness God will make new too, but sometimes not in the way we want or expect. The conclusion gives readers the opportunity to insert their situation into the story.
As I read this book, I was brought to tears remembering myself as a teenager crying out to God as my father suffered a terminal illness. What got me through those extremely challenging times was knowing that God is always my heavenly father, he is with me, and he hears my cries.
Who is this Book for?
If you have or know a child approximately 3-10 years of age who has lost or is losing a parent or a sibling, then this book may be what you need. I would not recommend reading this book to a child that is not already facing deep suffering, because the last story of Jane’s sick father in hospital unable to work may cause them worries that they just don’t need on their mind.
A Word to Parents
The most important ministry in the life of a parent is to lead our children to our loving Father in heaven who loves them and hears them. The book has a helpful ‘Note to Parents’ on the last page with a reminder that we live in a broken world, we can tell God that it’s painful, but we have the sure hope that one day, God will fix all brokenness.
A few additional strategies:
- We shouldn’t avoid talking about suffering with our children. They need to be included in the conversation, but sensitively and age-appropriately. Not all information is necessary for a child to hear. Carefully approach the conversation but don’t exclude them.
- Kids ask many questions. Sometimes kids ask without thinking. But sometimes they are really curious and are trying to learn about the world or trying to understand a really deep question. Don’t immediately push their questions away. If you, as the parent, don’t answer their question and it is burning on their mind, they will eventually seek out the answer elsewhere and it may not be correct. When you answer their questions, get on their level and try to dig down to the root of the question. Their questions may even challenge you. If you aren’t sure what to say, tell them you’re not sure but will find out for them, then go and read the Bible or ask your pastor or Children’s minister at your church for advice. A common question kids ask is what happened to so and so who passed away? Where did they go? Tell them the truth. If they were a Christian, their body is buried in the ground (or cremated) because they are no longer there, they went to be with God, and we will see them again one day. If they weren’t a Christian, remember them and give thanks for the life they had and the time you had with them. Validate their emotions and allow them space to cry if they need to.
- Kids often don’t need complicated answers to their questions, but they do need an answer. As their parent, you know what they need and what they can handle at that time. Pray that the Holy Spirit will guide you with wisdom as you answer their questions.
- Don’t stop kids from expressing their emotions unless they are harmful to themselves or others. Instead validate their emotions. Tears can often be a helpful way of releasing their feelings. They may even get angry. Anger is a normal part of the grieving process, but they may need your guidance to express their anger in a way that does not hurt anyone or anything. They may even need professional support.
- Remind them to pick out the good things that they see in the world and name them. Remind them that God made them. This is a great grounding exercise.
- Remind children that even when they feel all alone, God is with them (Ps 139), God loves them (Jn 3:16), and God hears them (1 Jn 5:14). We can always remind our children to turn to God, talk to him, and tell him how they are feeling. Nothing is too big for God.
- Repetition and committing things to memory can be really helpful for people of all ages, but particularly children. The book has a helpful prayer you may like to pray with your child each day:
Because God made and saved us,
we hope in what is true:
he promises that one day,
what’s broken, he’ll make new.
Ultimately, we all need to remember that suffering is temporary. Our job, as Christians, is to run this race to the end with Jesus. We can look forward to the truth that one day all things will be made new. There will be no more pain or crying anymore (Rev 21:4). This promise gives us hope!
