Have you ever had this conversation with yourself?
Me 1: My quiet times feel dry. God feels far away.
Me 2: But you know your relationship with God rests on what Christ has done, not how you feel. That doesn’t change.
Me 1: Right… but why does it still feel flat?
And so the cycle continues: I keep reading, keep praying, but don’t feel much closer to God and end up more confused than before. One of the reasons our quiet times sometimes “don’t work” is that we blur two big biblical truths: union with God and communion with God.[1]
Union with God: The Unshakable Foundation
Our union with God is the once-for-all reality of being united to Christ in God by the Spirit. Through Jesus’ death and resurrection, God has reconciled us to himself. We’ve gone from enemies to friends, slaves to sons, outcasts to beloved children. This union is permanent. Because it’s not based on what we do, our sin, apathy, or weakness can’t undo it. Paul reassures us in Romans 8:
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8: 38–39)
This eternal union is all of grace, a precious gift from God. We don’t earn it. We simply receive it. As Sam Storms puts it:
Once we are in Jesus by faith, we are in an eternal bond, union, covenant relationship that cannot be broken, cannot be undermined, cannot be shattered – even in the midst of our sin.
This is the solid, unshakeable foundation of our relationship with God.
Communion with God: The Lived Experience
Our communion with God flows out of our union with him. If union is the fact of our adoption, communion is the day-to-day experience of living as God’s children—enjoying God’s affection, and a growing delight in all that we have received in Christ. If union with God is like receiving a vast estate as an inheritance, communion is the lifetime spent exploring its valleys, rivers and hills.
Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians is that they experience this deepening communion:
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:16–19)
Communion is nurtured in prayer, Bible reading, worshipping with God’s people, and obedience. Yet like any relationship, it has seasons—times of rich closeness, and times when God feels distant. As Kelly Kapic notes:
While union with Christ is something that does not ebb and flow, one’s experience of communion with Christ can fluctuate. This is an important theological and experiential distinction, for it protects the biblical truth that we are saved by radical and free divine grace. Furthermore, this distinction also protects the biblical truth that the children of God have a relationship with their Lord, and that there are things they can do that either help or hinder it.[2]
What Can Disrupt Communion?
Several things can weaken our sense of intimacy with God. When we grow comfortable with sin, it creates distance. Not because God moves away, but because we do. Relationships grow cold when we don’t spend time together. Inconsistency in prayer, skipping church or Bible study, or neglecting Bible reading also slowly dull our awareness of God’s presence.
Anxiety, depression, conflict, or relentless busyness can all make it hard to still our hearts before God. Because quiet times are about relationship, not ritual, reducing them to a box-ticking exercise or a one-size-fits-all approach can leave us joyless. And, of course, sometimes the distance is simply how we feel. Feelings are real, but they are not a reliable measure of God’s nearness.
When We Confuse or Fuse the Two
When we blur union and communion with God in our thinking, it can have have an impact on our motivation: “If my union with God is secure, why do I need to bother with regular quiet times?” We might be too quick to dismiss any issues with our communion with God, without examining sin, neglect, or the way we’re spending time with the Lord. Or, at the opposite extreme, our difficulties might undermine our assurance of God’s love.
Holding Both Together
So, if your quiet times aren’t working, remember both union and communion with God. Start with union: rejoice that you are God’s beloved child, secure in Christ forever. Recall these deep spiritual truths, remembering that nothing you do can make him love you more, and nothing you fail to do can make him love you less.
Then pursue communion. Take time to reflect on any potential causes for that distance—sin, neglect, mental illness, life pressures, wrong methods or simply your feelings. Bring these matters to God: confess your sins, delight in his word, linger in prayer, and enjoy his presence. Explore more fully the inheritance you already have in the Son. And ask for his help by the power of the Holy Spirit to rest in your unshakable union with Christ and grow in your communion with the Father.
This article was originally posted on Jo’s Substack.
[1] The naming of these two truths is drawn from the work of John Owen.
[2] Kapic, K. “Worshiping the Triune God: The Shape of John Owen’s Trinitarian Spirituality” in Owen, J. Communion with the Triune God (2023: Grapevine India), p. 18.
