Fatherhood demands so much. Some days I feel pushed to breaking, wondering how I can possibly do it well, while others I marvel at what God has given me. But on both good days and bad, I am thankful for how he has used fatherhood to teach me more about how he is my Father (1 Jn 3:1). Here are three lessons that have stuck with me.
God Actually Forgives Me
For as long as I can remember, even after I was saved, I felt the weight of my sin. This is good—to a point. But at times I felt it so deeply that I couldn’t see how God could possibly forgive me. I was someone who not only sinned but committed the same sins over and over again. I did not feel worthy of forgiveness. Even though I knew I didn’t need to be because Jesus had gone to the cross for me (Rom 5:8), it seemed like I didn’t believe it.
But then I became a father. I saw my daughter sin. Like all children, she disobeys her parents, sometimes intentionally to see how far she can push us. I have seen her wilfully hurt others, both in word and action, either to make herself feel better or in a moment of anger and frustration. And yet I forgive her. Every time. How could I not? She’s my daughter, and I love her.
I don’t remember the exact moment when it clicked, but praise God it did. I love my daughter, even when she sins, and I am always willing to forgive her. How much more does God in his perfect love still love and forgive me as his child?
God Actually Works for My Good
My daughter is often fixated on her cuts, bruises and grazes. When she gets one, no matter how small, it becomes a constant source of attention, fascination and anxiety. If she can see it, she’ll check it. If she can’t, she’ll find a mirror to help her. She wants reassurance that it’s okay, but she absolutely does not want anyone else to touch it. That includes attempting to clean and put a band-aid or antiseptic cream on it. She doesn’t understand that these are good things that will help it heal faster. All she can focus on is that they might cause pain or discomfort. She can’t see the benefit. But I can. I know that any short-term pain my tending to her wounds might cause her is for her healing.
Like my daughter, I have complained when life gets hard. Why me? Why this? I ask God. Many people suffer much more than me without complaining as much as I do. But fatherhood has helped me to see that even if I may not understand why I face certain trials in life—just as my daughter doesn’t understand cleaning a wound—God is sovereign over all things, and I can trust that he is working for my good. I just need a different perspective (Is 55:8, Rom 8:28).
God Actually Listens
I am sure you have experienced that moment when you’re in conversation with someone and you can tell they’re not really listening to you anymore. Maybe their eyes have wandered away from yours, their face has gone a bit blank, or all they’re answering with is “mmms” and “uh-huhs.” Especially when it’s someone who you love or respect, it’s an awful feeling to realise that what you’re sharing is not that important to them. It makes you feel unloved.
My daughter talks a lot (my wife assures me she knows who that came from), which means I do a lot of listening. At least in theory. In reality I’m also often trying to work, clean the house, read a book, pay a bill, play the piano or have some quiet time. But when she has something she really needs to tell me, something that clearly matters to her, I listen. Whatever I’m doing, I put it down. She has my undivided attention. I don’t want her to ever experience that moment of feeling unimportant to me.
How much more so with God! God is love (1 Jn 4:8). He loves us perfectly. When we have something to tell him, he gives us his undivided attention. No worry or joy is too small to share with him—he will never dismiss us (1 Pet 5:7).
But what about when we’re not talking to him? One night at bedtime, my daughter asked, “Does God feel sad if we don’t pray?” I stopped to think about it and said to her, “Do you think I would feel sad if you never talked to me?” She nodded. I said, “I would. And God probably would too.” God is our Father in heaven. He listens to us, so let us not forget to talk to him.
I am still new to being a father; I am inexperienced and have so much to learn. But I am thankful that even in these early years God is with me, my wife, our daughter and soon-to-be-born son. And he is teaching us more about him. In good days and bad, I know he is always working for our good according to his purposes, always hearing and answering our prayers, always forgiving us when we fall short of his good and perfect will.
