For a long period in my Christian life, I felt like God was always just a bit disappointed in me. Sure, I believed he loved me enough to die for me, and I knew he forgave me for my sin, but I felt that perhaps God just tolerated rather than delighted in me. After all, Jesus calls us to be perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect (Matt 5:48). Christians are told to pray continually (1 Thes 5:17). Paul exhorts us to rejoice in the Lord always (Phil 4:4). I knew I wasn’t perfect, my prayers were certainly not continual and I failed to always rejoice, so I felt that God must be constantly displeased with me. I walked around in a persistent state of low-level guilt. I assumed God gave a bit of a deep sigh and an eye roll each time he saw me fail again.
I wish I had been able to read Faith Chang’s heartwarming book, Peace Over Perfection, in those long years. And although I am in a very different place now, from time to time I still experience those feelings. This was a book that deeply ministered to my soul.
Christian Perfectionism
Chang would diagnose the feelings I was experiencing as a consequence of Christian perfectionism.[1] In their head, the Christian perfectionist knows they are justified by grace through faith, not by works, but they can struggle to apply this to their hearts. The Christian perfectionist is the one who has “been told they are too hard on themselves but don’t know how to pursue holiness without a self-berating inner voice” (13).
Peace over Perfection
Faith Chang
Peace over Perfection
Faith Chang
Many Christians, often without even realizing it, struggle with a type of Christian perfectionism. We strive to please God but are plagued with anxiety about making mistakes. We want to do God’s will but live with a self-berating inner voice even as we seek to serve him. We sincerely believe the gospel and love Jesus but struggle with never feeling good enough before God.
Author Faith Chang addresses the struggles of her fellow “Christian perfectionists” through meditations on God’s character. With nuance and care, she writes for those who seek to grow in Christ and live for God’s glory yet live in fear of failure. She explores the Bible to show that as God deals with us as in-process people, he is far more merciful, righteous, and patient than we may have imagined. As we consider how he interacts bountifully with us, the weary and scrupulous Christian perfectionist will be freed to pursue God while experiencing his love and peace.
While it may manifest in different ways, for Chang Christian perfectionism manifests as a constant low-level sense of guilt or anxiety. For others it may be a critical inner voice, a fear of missing the will of God, grief over past regrets, or fear over future failures. The problem is not that we want to be perfect like our Lord—otherwise the solution would be to stop trying (18). Rather, the struggle is to know peace, joy and rest in our relationship with God as we pursue a holiness that we know we won’t reach this side of the new creation. How can imperfect people know God’s peace while pursuing his perfect standards?
Rest for Your Souls
A perfectionist is often told to believe the gospel more, focus on loving others instead or just stop trying so hard. Rather than simply repeating these assertions, Chang gently and winsomely uses each of her main chapters to cover an aspect of God’s character that brings sweet relief and comfort to the restless soul.
The chapter that most struck me was on God’s perfect patience. Here Chang dwells on the Bible’s descriptions of God’s dealings with “in-process” people. Alongside this abundant evidence of God’s rich patience, she makes this observation:
we expect those who are great in the world to be easily provoked at their lessers. It isn’t just politicians, celebrities, or sports stars. In my sinful nature, I am also more apt to lose my patience when I feel someone is less powerful, capable, smart, or good than me. So I assume that God must likewise be annoyed by my constant stumbling—that irritation rises in him as I return to him once more for forgiveness. (104)
Ouch! That one pricked me. I had never considered that part of my problem was thinking God reacted like me or like the powerful people of this world. Chang’s exploration of how God is the truly great one who is “king over himself” and never suffers from “unplanned outbursts or uncontrolled irritation towards us” (105) struck me deeply. His very character is patience, and he will consistently act this way towards me as his beloved child. Chang also points to Paul’s exhortation to Timothy to live in a way “that all may see your progress” (1 Tim 4:15) as evidence that God’s expectation is not perfection, but growth. While I have often prayed with frustration over my sins, asking God to somehow zap me to be more holy, Chang counsels,
If God is content to change us over time and is patient with us as he does so, we can be content to trust in his ways, even though we don’t understand them fully. (110)
Inward Trials
At many points Chang seems to get parts of the Christian experience that I have found not all share. She discusses the misguided idea that picking the right choice must mean doing the thing you least want to do, guilt over feeling proud of yourself, and even very specific feelings I thought only I experienced—like feeling badfor not picking up mess left by others in a public bathroom! Chang quotes hymn writer John Newtown, who describes these troubling thoughts as “inward trials”. They are not evidence of God’s disfavour but show proof of the work being done in our hearts to grow our dependence on and affection for him.
Grieving the Spirit
There was one verse Chang didn’t explore that I feel deserved closer attention. In my years of sensing God’s displeasure, I was troubled by what it means to grieve the Holy Spirit (Eph 4:30). Chang briefly mentions:
though our sins grieve God, he is never disappointed in us as if he’s only discovered who we really are after calling us to follow him. (40)
Chang also spends some time thinking about what it means for the Christian to please God (1 Thess 2:4, 4:1). However, I would have appreciated a fuller exploration of how grieving the Spirit fits with these ideas.
A battle with Christian perfectionism may not be your experience of the believer’s life, but even so, Peace Over Perfection is an important read. It is a helpful way to grow in an awareness of how other sisters and brothers might struggle in their relationship with God. For those who have dealt with manifestations of Christian perfectionism, Chang has done a beautiful thing. In reading her personal experiences, her reflections on the writing of others, and her rich meditations on God’s character from his word, you will be deeply encouraged by how you are both loved and delighted in by your God. A love that’s not dependent on whether you left that other person’s paper towel on the bathroom floor!
[1] Note this is different from the heresy of sinless perfectionism that claims believers can defeat sin completely in the present life.
