Calling Jesus my friend has never sat well with me. Lord? Yes. Saviour? Yes. Prince of Peace? Yes. God? Definitely! But friend? That’s a very emotionally loaded term.
Is he like the kids I grew up with in the country, riding our bikes through fields of red dirt and purple Paterson’s curse? Or my teenage classmates who rolled their eyes at the uncool crowd?
Is he the wonderful saint who has always been willing to listen to my hurts over a warm meal? Or the distant friend who gives me the cold shoulder?
Just as some Christians struggle calling God “Father”, some of us struggle seeing Jesus as a friend. Into this space comes American Baptist pastor and author Mike McKinley’s edifying new book, Friendship with God. It’s based on the classic, Communion with God, written by 17th century English puritan John Owen. McKinley modernises Owen for the iPhone generation, respecting the source material but also adding his own reflections for those of us who perceive God as remote and distant.
Friendship with God: A Path to Deeper Fellowship with the Father, Son, and Spirit
Mike McKinley
Friendship with God: A Path to Deeper Fellowship with the Father, Son, and Spirit
Mike McKinley
In John 15, Jesus says, “I have called you friends.” But what does it mean to be friends with Jesus? In the early 1650s, theologian John Owen attempted to answer this question in Communion with God, which is full of key truths but often a struggle for modern readers to understand.
In Friendship with God, pastor Mike McKinley takes a key idea or insight from Communion with God and clarifies it for readers in each chapter, giving them practical guidance for how to develop fellowship with God—such as obeying the Father’s commands, acknowledgment of sin, and prayer. Perfect for new Christians or for those without a church background, this accessible resource offers an introduction to the God who “wants you to know him and be known by him.”
Our Own Worst Enemy
As McKinley observes, people struggle with the concept of friendship with God despite the Bible’s assurances (Jn 15:13–14; 1 Cor 1:9; 1 Jn 1:3). First, it sounds too good to be true. Second, we don’t know how this friendship plays out in real life.
It’s easy to accuse God as being an absent friend, but that is blame-shifting. We’re the ones who aren’t naturally God’s friends: “we go about our lives thinking about ourselves. We focus on the things we have and the things we want to have” (9).
Ultimately, we were God’s enemies (Rom 5:10), spiritually dead (Eph 2:1), haters of God (Rom 1:30), and children of wrath (Eph 2:3) (10).
Best Friends Forever
So how did we become friends with someone like God? We couldn’t. Not by our own efforts.
Friendship with God is simply impossible—unless God himself makes it happen. He must act. He must do something to mend our relationship. All the cards are in his hands. (10)
Thankfully, God has acted. God the Father sent God the Son to die for our sins and defeat death. When God the Son ascended into heaven, God the Spirit was sent to give us new spiritual lives. God has initiated everything needed for us to be his friends.
As McKinley repeatedly points out, this God-initiated friendship then becomes a two-way street. To be in union with Jesus means we must be in communion with God. Always. He reminds us, “Because we are in Jesus and the Holy Spirit lives in us, we have a lot in common with God now.” (12). We must love the same things our friend loves, and delight in the things that please him. We do this by ongoing prayer, love, delight, obedience, and sharing in the Lord’s Supper (12).
Because we are in Jesus and the Holy Spirit lives in us, we have a lot in common with God now.
And amazingly, our affections need to be focussed on more than just Jesus. Any authentic friendship with God must be directed to each person of the Trinity (15). Each person has a defining “medium” with believers, according to Owen.
The Father Who Dotes
For God the Father, that’s love. Many of us mistakenly believe he’s solely centred on justice, power or law (24), forgetting that it’s the Father who showed his love among us by sending his Son into the world so that we might live through him (1 Jn 4:9).
As McKinley writes:
The Father’s love is a beautiful thing, far more wonderful than any other love we might know. This love serves as a foundation for all the good things the Father has done for us, and it is capable of transforming the person who has received it. (26)
When we’re unmoved by the Father’s love we often place too much value on short-term pleasures, rather than meditating on and rejoicing in the greater mercies and privileges he gifts us as his children (37).
The Son Who Delights
Friendship with Jesus is dependent on that most cherished of blessings: grace. Specifically, both his personal grace (who he is) and purchased grace (what he has done to save us and make us his own) (49). Owen points to Jesus as the groom, and the church as his bride (2 Cor 11:2; Eph 5:25–27) to illustrate how much he is smitten with us. “Jesus is always a perfect husband to us; his love and care never fail or diminish,” echoes McKinley (50).
If we struggle with this intimacy, it’s not because Jesus is failing to delight in us. We’re failing to delight in him (55). His death on the cross to save sinful people such as you and me is the ultimate expression of love. Meditating on the cross reveals how wretched we are, and how full of grace he is.
And this idea of the Son delighting in us as an act of grace is a key point that McKinley draws out. There are people in our lives whom we love, but don’t like spending time with; they grate on us. But God the Son is the opposite. He loves us and delights in us. He enjoys us and wants to have us around (62). Why else would he die for us?
God the Son is the opposite. He loves us and delights in us. He enjoys us and wants to have us around.
The Spirit Who Helps
Just as the Son desires to know us, so too the Holy Spirit wants to come to us and is willing to be sent by the other persons of the Trinity (113). For his friends, the Spirit provides everlasting comfort. His ministry is the continuation of Christ’s earthly ministry (109).
The gift of the Spirit means that God is always present with us, just as Jesus promised (Matt 28:20). He never leaves us, he never gets separated from us, he doesn’t need to split his time between us and other believers. We will never know a moment of our lives when we are alone, without the help and strength that comes with the Spirit’s presence. (109).
Can anyone provide a greater comfort than that?
In the face of such intimacy, we respond with three special acts of faith, according to Owen. Faith considers the work that the Spirit does; prays for his help and comfort (Lk 11:13); and cherishes the Spirit by being sensitive to his work and influence (114–115). Regularly doing this overcomes any doubts about God’s friendship towards us.
Walking with Giants
McKinley is an engaging narrator who is conscious he’s standing on the shoulder of a giant. He’s crafted a book that is faithful, revitalising and, thankfully, trimmed of Ye Olde English. Occasionally, his preacher’s socks are showing when he drifts into overly formulaic three- and four-point chapters, but sometimes we all need little steps before walking in giant’s shoes.
McKinley succeeds in introducing the largely unknown Puritan theologian’s writings to a wider audience outside seminaries and Facebook memes. But that’s where the question also lies. Who exactly is this book’s audience?
Purists will struggle with its simplicity. They’ll be critical that Owen’s prose has been watered down and mostly quoted indirectly. True, Owen’s truest thoughts could have been quoted more to reflect his exact thoughts, but the market already contains such works. For spiritually well-fed Christians, few truths expressed within will come as a surprise, except maybe some of the content on the Holy Spirit.
Perhaps then young and new Christians, and anyone hungering after solid food, not milk (Heb 5:14), will benefit most. Not only does McKinley connect the dots about friendship with God, but he champions God’s character, sovereignty and tenderness. Readers will delight in finding gems they may not have considered before. Like calling Father, Son and Spirit our truest friend.
