Parenting is one of the biggest joys and challenges of my life. So, any possibility of improving in my parenting has found my feet wandering into the parenting section of bookstores. Yet the shelves are lined with so many books making claims and promising easy-fixes—how do we know whose advice to turn to?
In Raising Confident Kids in a Confusing World, Ed Drew aims to guide parents in raising children with their identity firmly grounded in Jesus, rather than in the culture of the day. Spanning an easy 10 chapters, Drew aims to remind parents of their hope in Christ, the reality of grounding one’s identity in Jesus, the inevitability of pain and suffering, and the current cultural matter of gender, sex and relationships.
Who Am I?
What is your greatest desire for your children?
In today’s culture, our children are given a blank piece of paper and asked to freely write who they are—their gender, their sexual orientation, their goals—defined almost entirely by the feelings they experience on any given day. The world tells us that this is where freedom is found.
Raising Confident Kids in a Confusing World
Ed Drew
As our children grow up, they hear many conflicting messages about who they are. Too often, Christian parents feel nervous and intimidated about engaging with their children on the subjects of bodies, gender, sexuality and their sense of self.
This warm and realistic book helps parents to show their children that the Bible has better answers than our culture on these topics, which are neither surprising nor confusing to our creator God.
Full of biblical truth, practical wisdom and discussion questions, this book will inspire and equip parents to help their children find their identity in being made and loved by Jesus.
Yet Drew biblically reminds his readers that our identity isn’t a matter of writing on a blank piece of paper, but looking to God, who created us in his image and calls us to a life of discipleship:
When they are asked, “Who are you?” Before all else, I want them to stand tall, to puff out their chests and to say in a clear, confident voice, “I am a disciple of Jesus. This is me.” (20)
By sharing personal anecdotes, Drew gently leads searching parents to the foundational truth that the goal for Christian parenting is not for our children to excel academically or on the sporting field. We parent to prepare our children to confidently live life without us—knowing who they are in Christ.
What About Pain and Suffering?
Protecting our children from the hurts of life enters our minds and hearts from the moment we learn we have conceived a child. I remember the surge of panic soon after I discovered I was pregnant. I wanted to protect my child from the suffering around me. For them to have a comfortable life as pain free as possible.
But as the years have gone on, I have recognised how impossible this goal is. Pain and suffering are part of living in a fallen world. My job as a parent is not to put a mask on and pretend pain isn’t part of the Christian life, but to gently disciple my children through it. Drew unpacks this further:
Don’t see suffering for your child as a disaster or a deviation from how life should be. Be ready for it. Expect it. And make sure that in it, you point them to their Saviour and pray that God would use it to show them their need of him and to make them more like him. (103)
As we both model and teach this, we direct our children to God, the true Comforter and solid foundation to build our lives on.
My job as a parent is not to put a mask on and pretend pain isn’t part of the Christian life, but to gently disciple my children through it.
Gender, Sex and Relationships
As we move towards parenting in the teen years, other questions emerge. How do we tell our children about sex? How do we protect them from porn? How do we navigate discussion around gender? These are some of the main challenges a Christian teen faces in our current culture, whether personally or relationally, and it is vital we are prepared to give an account of how the gospel speaks to these issues.
Although whole books have been written addressing just one of these complex topics, a portion of Raising Confident Kids in a Confusing World addresses these questions from a biblical worldview. These chapters then are not exhaustive, but must be viewed as prompts for further thought, reading, and in particular, biblical study.
However, I found it surprising Drew tries to address pornography and masturbation in a couple of paragraphs. Given the alarming pornography statistics and links between it and masturbation, I felt it was a little simplistic to explain that while masturbation can be ungodly, the Bible’s silence on masturbation means it can “be a part of a self-controlled, godly lifestyle” (124). While I have heard this from Christians before, such an argument is unhelpful when it is not accompanied by greater depth of discussion.
This section’s strength is its encouragement to view these conversations as opportunities. Even though they can be uncomfortable for us and our children, we should seek to engage in conversations in an honest, prayerful and natural way. We want our children to be talking about these topics with us, in the safe comfort of our home. Importantly, these conversations are built up over time, with Drew writing,
Wildebeest jump up seconds after being born and run with the herd—that is not the story with our children. We have time. We have years. There is no rush. Just keep talking. Keep asking questions. Keep listening carefully. (126)
Parenting with Hope
Ultimately, we parent with hope. Hope for now and hope for the eternity that awaits followers of Jesus.
We live with hope in the now, knowing that if we are trusting Jesus in our lives and in our parenting, we are being changed into his likeness. As the Holy Spirit works to conform us into the image of Jesus, he is also working through us to teach our children and (we pray) convict them of their sin and need for a saviour.
We also live with hope in eternity with Jesus. When we parent, we need to “parent by keeping our eyes fixed on our destination” (167). So often in parenting, it is easy to feel our children need to have overcome some sin in their life now. Today. However, the reality is that just as God gently grows us, he does this for our kids too: “God’s timescale … is absolutely massive. It stretches out eternally” (167).
While parenting with hope won’t miraculously rid us of every challenge, lifting our eyes to Jesus means we can parent with prayerful purpose. When we face challenging topics, or when our own sin, fears and failings threaten to take control, we can know Jesus and his Spirit are at work. For when we look to Jesus, we find grace instead of religiosity. We find love and comfort. And we ultimately find our identity as God’s children.
So, along with our children, we can puff out our chests and say: I am a disciple of Jesus. This is me.
