For some years now, “complementarianism” has been a controversial word triggering conflicting emotions.
On the one hand, it is a firm conviction and appreciation for the beauty and order of God’s good design for marriage and relationships; the excellence of Christ as a model of humility and servant leadership; the goodness of submitting to godly Christian men who mirror Jesus in seeking to lay down their life for the flock (Jn 10:11).
On the other hand, complementarianism for me personally, and for other women I fellowship with, has at times been associated with painful experiences. Despite the Bible consistently affirming the equality and dignity of men and women in the eyes of God (e.g. Gen 1:26-28; Gal 3:28), at times I have felt as though while all are equal, some are more equal than others.
At times I have felt as though while all are equal, some are more equal than others.
All this to say, for a large part of my life, complementarianism in practice has not always resembled something I have wanted to celebrate. And it is Graham Beynon and Jane Tooher’s book, Embracing Complementarianism, which has helped me gain a deeper perspective on how God views men and women in the church, and how we can better relate to each other in ways that more richly reflect the goodness of his design.
A Breath of Fresh Air
Beynon and Tooher approach the topic of complementarianism in church with a posture of great humility. It is rare to find a book which feels like it listens before it speaks, but Embracing Complementarianism is sensitively written and well-articulated, containing a number of personal examples of complementarianism playing out in church life—both good and bad.
Embracing Complementarianism: Turning Biblical Convictions into Positive Church Culture
Graham Beynon and Jane Tooher
Embracing Complementarianism: Turning Biblical Convictions into Positive Church Culture
Graham Beynon and Jane Tooher
It can be tempting to shy away from addressing gender roles in church because it’s often controversial. But this can result in churches either being increasingly influenced by secular culture or simply sticking with the status quo when it comes to what men and women do in church.
Building on the belief that complementarianism is both biblical and positive, this book focuses on what these convictions look like in practice—encouraging a church culture where men and women truly partner together; embracing their privileges and responsibilities, and maximising their gifts, in joyful service of God’s kingdom.
Embracing Complementarianism has a great deal of wisdom to share as it lays the groundwork for a complementarian view of masculinity and femininity. These include the importance of not overcorrecting (e.g. assuming men are inherently more sinful than women or denying men a voice in the conversation), the unhelpfulness of stereotypes (e.g. “men like sports and meat, and women prefer crafts and high teas”), and the modern tendency to approach gender through the lens of “expressive individualism” which so overwhelmingly influences our age (and tends to emphasise our individual identities over our communal or corporate identity).
Refreshingly, Beynon and Tooher articulate a stance where it remains possible to disagree on the exact applications of biblical theology in regards to women in ministry and still embrace a complementarian viewpoint.
It is rare to find a book which feels like it listens before it speaks, but Embracing Complementarianism is sensitively written and well-articulated.
An Inspiring Vision
But where the book really carves out new territory is in its vision of complementarian relationships, offering a glimpse into the beauty of relationships seen among first-century believers. Complementarianism is first and foremost concerned with the quality of relationships (92). This relational quality transcends mere descriptions of gender roles—it is much more than “women’s ministry” and a delineation of what women can or cannot do. It is about how men and women can flourish.
As this excerpt illustrates:
…women’s ministry tends to get separated from other, general ministry … If ministries become mainly separate, there isn’t much complementing going on. While you won’t find the word “complementarian” in the Bible…it nonetheless captures a dynamic that’s woven throughout Scripture—of men and women complementing each other: a synergy that comes through togetherness. (14)
For Beynon and Tooher, this enriched view of gender necessarily leads to a vision of church where the topics of men’s and women’s groups and conferences are equally weighty; where both men and women undertake theological education; and where both genders are provided with training, resources, and support in the service of mutual flourishing and the ultimate growth of the church family. It does not correspond to a vision of church where preaching is seen as the only “real” ministry, with the result that all other ministry (i.e. ministries done by women) is automatically “in second place” (97).
The Importance of Acknowledging Past Hurts
Embracing Complementarianism is the first discussion of this topic I’ve come across which captures something of the “felt” aspect of being a Christian woman in the modern church. It challenges all Christians to reflect on how sinful expressions of biblical complementarianism may have influenced the ways Christian sisters relate not just to other believers, but to God himself. The authors wonderfully capture this experience:
If you are a man, and especially if you are a church leader of any kind, have you seriously contemplated what it might feel like for a woman to think that God prefers men—or at least to suspect that he might? (62)
In acknowledging mistaken applications of complementarian theology (often shaped by traditionalism), this book goes a long way toward taking the heat out of past hurts while guiding readers towards a biblical vision of church which is inspiring—and, in many ways, surprising—for modern readers.
For this sometimes embarrassed (and somewhat wounded) complementarian, who has nursed the very doubts expressed above in my own relationship with God, Beynon and Tooher’s sensitive and nuanced exploration of both the theology of complementarianism and its practical applications is insightful and refreshing.
This book goes a long way toward taking the heat out of past hurts while guiding readers towards a biblical vision of church.
A Few Limitations
Embracing Complementarianism is not a perfect book.
Many of the examples used to highlight the poor applications of complementarian ministry do not capture the depth and extent of the hurt I have personally experienced, witnessed, and heard about from fellow Christians. In seeking to apply a generous view of human motivations, the authors seemed at times more inclined to view instances of women being treated badly as the result of mere unconscious bias, rather than the wilful and deliberate sin that we know can characterise male-female relationships (Gen 3:16).
Embracing Complementarianism does not shy away from asking complex questions, but it also does not give all the answers. Over the course of the book, the authors presented (and outlined the “pros and cons” for) a broad range of positions within complementarianism itself that, for me, left too much uncertainty in regards to the implications for church ministry. This lack of prescriptiveness, of course, is also one of the book’s strengths—readers cannot simply shelve this book as “Well, that’s it, then” but must go away and do some in-depth thinking of their own.
A Book for Everyone
Embracing Complementarianism is not only a book I have long been waiting for, but a book that I think should be on everyone’s to-read list. As the issue of gender continues to be a hot-button topic—in a society which seemingly asks more questions about whether God is good rather than whether or not he exists—brushing up on our cultural apologetics is always paramount.
But, more importantly, this book is a wonderful first step away from “what women can/can’t do” questions which have so far dominated the discussion on gender relationships, to beginning a conversation on how women, regardless of one’s personal convictions or a church’s applications of complementarian theology, might be involved more fully and effectively in church life. As Beynon and Tooher assert:
…as with any other biblical truth, we are only embracing complementarianism if we are living it out. (127)
Embracing Complementarianism is a gentle but godly challenge to examine to what extent our convictions on the equality (yet differences) of men and women shape church life and the value we place on the ministries of women and men, and to explore if there are any areas where we may have (sometimes inadvertently) missed out on what men and women working together have to offer.
Passionate complementarians and convinced egalitarians alike—and those, like myself, who still have a few things to wrestle through—will find a great deal of value in this book.
