Instead of enjoying sunny vacation in Noosa last week, I ended up at the emergency department at Monash Hospital. I fell ill more than two weeks ago. But instead of shaking off symptoms, they progressively worsened. I won’t bore you with details (frankly, I get bored just rehearsing them in my own head!), so to keep things short, I was unable to do anything other than turn into a permanent plank in bed.
The ED doctors rushed me in and conducted a series of tests, as they were initially concerned that I had had a stroke. They’ve now discounted that option but they are unable to figure out what’s going on. The doctors have described my presenting issues as ‘severe’, and they’ve loaded me up with drugs, more tests and further investigations. They’ve warned me that recovery may take several months. While the issues should resolve, there may be long term implications; they simply don’t know.
In short, I have a combination of issues and they don’t all align: extreme vertigo, loss of muscle strength in half my face which means speaking is difficult, some hearing loss (hopefully temporary), and more. Over all, my body is behaving much much Blackadder’s ‘asthmatic ant with heavy shopping’! The doctors also discovered a brain aneurysm, but that’s a problem for another day.
Thirty years ago I suffered repeated retinal detachments and I lost vision in my eyes, sight eventually being restored in one eye. So this isn’t the first time I’ve been benched for an extended period. Both then and now, I am experiencing God’s deep and sustaining peace. And like last time, over these last few weeks I have been thanking God and asking God.
Thanking God
I’m thanking God for Susan and my three children. Susan is smashing it and the kids are super. Their patience and diligence is wonderful and makes things much easier than would otherwise be. I’m praising God because I know he is sovereign and I’m convinced of his grace and goodness. I praise him because the Scriptures tell me, ‘we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose’ (Rom 8:28).
Asking God
What I don’t know right now is the cause of this illness nor the long term outcomes. I can’t say with precision what God is keen to teach me, and that’s ok. Must we always know? Is God’s sovereign care and grace dependent on what I can or cannot grasp? Of course not. Sometimes there isn’t something specific to learn, but through circumstances God is quietly and lovingly nudging us to keep trusting him and looking to him for grace. Nonetheless, I am asking God to use this for his good purposes; after all, suffering is a friend of sanctification.
I am asking my Heavenly Father is to purify and sanctify me. I think of Nebuchadnezzar whom God humbled for a season and Zechariah whom God struck dumb for a time (Dan 4; Lk 1). The apostle Paul and the author of Hebrews reminds us of how God uses suffering not to punish but to sanctify us (Rom 5; Heb 12). And so I’m praying God uses this forced rest to sanctify and grow me in holiness and to take away any lingering sins in my life.
I’m praying that God uses these weeks (and maybe months) to encourage the saints at Mentone Baptist Church, such that they are fuelled to love and good deeds. I’m praying that God’s gospel may do even more to build his kingdom. I’m keen to return to church and hear stories of God’s grace and see new faces connecting with us.
Thinking of Others
Even as I write (which I assure you is requiring every inch of strength and focus right now), I’m aware that there are members of my church who are suffering significantly more than myself. I think of two church members who are currently battling cancer, one who will likely lose the fight (neither of them are elderly). I am regularly refreshed by the peace and joy they are experiencing in the Lord despite insurmountable sickness. They are a tremendous testimony to the church. When it’s so easy to let small things interfere with our relationship with Christ and stop us from getting to church, these saints have every reason to stay home and yet they come. Praise God!
If You’d Like to Pray
Anyway, so this is why I’ve been missing in action of late and perhaps for some time to come. If you are a follower of Jesus you might like to pray, firstly, that Christ is exalted in everything. Secondly, please pray for complete healing. I’m rather keen to keep preaching and pastoring for another twenty years, God willing. I assure you, when a preacher is unable to speak let alone stand, it’s not the most comfortable of places. Pray that the Lord heals whatever is going on, for our God is a healing God. (Yet even when he says no, he is still good.) Thirdly, pray for Susan and the family as they make adjustments around me. I’m sure you can imagine how easy Murray is at home 24/7! Lastly, pray for Mentone Baptist Church, ask God that the beauty and power of the gospel becomes even more evident and fruitful among us during this season.
Thanks all.
This article was originally posted on Murray’s Substack.
