It happened again.
The youth celebrated their last night for the year with a formal dinner. The mood was positive and rightly so. Our previous youth pastor left with our blessing to plant a church, taking the youth leadership team with him. Now the new youth pastor and his wonderful team had an extraordinary and fruitful year.
As I went around to congratulate the team, I unwittingly expressed my exasperation with the state of the chairs to the youth pastor in front of other youth leaders.
So self-absorbed, I didn’t even notice the damage I had done until the next morning.
My congregation knows that my anger has been a constant area of weakness in my character. Even if most never see it, my family and staff certainly have and have experienced me at my worst.
Any attempt to blame it on the pressure of ministry, a father with a short fuse, or my ethnic baggage (Maltese are known for being angry) is a dead end. They are neither explanations nor excuses. The Bible is clear that it is possible to ‘be angry and not sin’ (Ephesians 4:26). However, this has not been my custom.
It is all the more serious given that the pastor-elder is to be marked by ‘gentleness’ (1 Timothy 3:3; 6:11; Titus 3:2) and that the first word used to describe love in 1 Corinthians 13 is ‘longsuffering’, without which we are nothing—a waste of space!
I do believe in ‘righteous anger.’ Both God and Jesus demonstrate it repeatedly throughout the scriptures. It’s also true to say that sometimes we are simply not angry enough, such as when it comes to the fate of the unborn or matters such as sexual abuse in the church. However, even when human anger springs from righteous concern, it almost always ends up corrupted by a harsh comment, a passive sulk, or a sarcastic jibe exposing the problem of the heart.
While I may on occasion take comfort in the fact that I am not a violent man, that is often only because I am unaware of the damage done by my demanding words, my harsh tone, or my vengeful silence—all of which spring from a heart that is as guilty as the sin of murder (Matt 5:21–22).
The book of James reminds me that my sinful display of anger never brings about the righteous life that God requires (James 1:20). Without exception I have always regretted either pouring forth or leaking out my wrath. I can’t think of one time or one angry email when I said to myself after an overreaction, “I‘m so glad I got that off my chest.” The unrighteous display of anger has a one hundred percent failure rate. It’s my gentleness that needs to be evident to all and it is not my temper that brings glory to God.
Nowhere do I see the difference between God and me more clearly than in the area of anger. God’s anger springs from his righteous character and omniscient nature which has access to all the facts. He is the righteous judge, and his wrath is a measured, proportional and a just response to sin. Not so with my anger. My temper is largely based on conclusions drawn from limited information, driven by the protection of personal needs and insecurities, and fuelled by a self-righteous demanding spirit.
Moreover, while God is slow to anger, my wrath moves with the speed of a mousetrap slamming down on some unsuspecting fellow image bearer. Often it flares up so quickly that I am deceived into thinking that I have no choice. Or so I thought until a ‘miracle’ happened one day. I was in full flight one Saturday morning, angry about something trivial, when a knock at the door instantly changed my demeanour. I was at once transformed into a gentle loving pastor. Here was the evidence which I already knew from Scripture: I do have a choice, I am responsible, and I can change.
The journey of transformation begins with an unqualified confession before God. However, I can only approach throne of grace with confidence because God is merciful, and on the cross Christ himself took full responsibility for my sinful anger. As a result, I can now serve God without fear of experiencing his wrath on me. Such frees me to not pour out my wrath on others (1 John 4:17–19).
The bottom line is that ‘in Christ’, I cannot make God angry anymore! I can grieve his Spirit who will redeem my body and soul (Ephesians 4:30) but I live 24/7 in a state of grace where the judge of the earth is my Dad (Romans 8:15–17)
In addition, as one who has been united with Christ in his death, resurrection and ascension I am now called upon to lift my eyes heavenward to where I, along with the church, am reigning with our Lord. I am to set my mind on the things above and to put off and put to death sin in my life.
With my eye on my present status in heaven with Christ I become an assassin of sin here on earth. One of those sins is anger. Putting anger to death is not an option for those in Christ.
The
days of going for a walk and holding hands with anger as my friend are
over for good reason because unrighteous anger kills either those who
are on the receiving end of it or those who wish to be friends with it.
This
is where my journey to terminate unrighteous anger in my life begins
and ends. It is why I want to side with God against my anger in regular
confession rather than siding with my anger against God.
But how is this change possible?
See ‘Confessions
of an angry pastor, Part 2’ for insights that have helped me deal with my
anger. For Confessions of An Angry Pastor (Part 3), see here.
